Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Deep thoughts...

Time for a quick break from your regularly scheduled program of updates and "what I've been up to"... I'm going to delve into my thoughts a bit...
There are times when I feel my life is all about change.  This year especially.  I've moved 4 times... from Iqaluit to Winnipeg to Texas to Sierra Leone to the ship.  (Yes, the ship is totally different from Sierra Leone).  I've quit my job, spent time with family, had an 2 months of classes/practical application, and now am about to start my new job.  I've left behind EVERY SINGLE PERSON I know and love, and am busy forging new bonds and friendships.  The last 4 months have included some of the biggest stresses a person can go through (Moving, changing jobs, new culture, new friends).
And here I am, on a ship, in Sierra Leone.  Nervous to start my new job.  Loving my new friends but still unsure because I've known them such a short time... what if they're not as special as I think they are?  What if they don't actually like me and instead are just used to spending time with me?  Wondering at the fact that I've adjusted so well, and just waiting for the inevitable breakdown.
Suddenly, after classes and a life scheduled for me down to the last hour, I'm dropped into a new culture (ship life) where my free time is abundant and I have time to THINK.  And here I am, falling into my old, insecure thought patterns.  I know I shouldn't.  And I know I've changed and grown a lot already in the last couple of month.  But still I do.
And so my theme song (yup, I have a theme song, pretty cool, huh???) for this time in my life is an old hymn: Great is thy faithfulness.  Because I have a God who is faithful.  The best thing about that song, is the verses it's based on.  I want to share the passage from Lamentations 3:19-36 with you, as it's written in the Message Bible, because it's really touched me...
 19-21I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, 
   the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— 
   the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember, 
   and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
 22-24God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
   his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
   How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
   He's all I've got left.
 25-27God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
   to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
   quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
   to stick it out through the hard times.
 28-30When life is heavy and hard to take,
   go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
   Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
   The "worst" is never the worst.
 31-33Why? Because the Master won't ever
   walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
   His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
   in throwing roadblocks in the way:
 34-36Stomping down hard
   on luckless prisoners,
Refusing justice to victims
   in the court of High God,
Tampering with evidence—
   the Master does not approve of such things.

God takes no pleasure in our suffering.  It's good to quietly wait and hope.  I'm sticking with God, he's all I've got left.  Enter the silence!!!!  Don't run from trouble.  
Now I'm not saying my life is hopeless or so far gone like the writer of Lamentations.  But it is such a comfort to me to read that passage.  Especially the part about God's love and mercy being made new every morning.  It's hard to run out of something that's always being renewed!  So I will trust in my God, who is faithful with mercies anew and has stockpiles of loyal love!   I would say I'm in pretty good hands.  
When I start thinking too much, when my mind hits those rough patches that drag me down and make me think I'm not special, that I'm not good enough, that I'm not loved (all NOT true), THAT is when I can turn to the ONE who will never let me down!  
All that to say, emotionally, I'm doing well.  I have my ups and downs, but I know WHO holds tomorrow, and I know that I'm sitting in the palm of His hand.  I'll rest here a bit.

1 comment:

Esther said...

beautiful. thanks for sharing that heather. i sometimes have those same thoughts of unimportance, and it's so good to be reminded that it's just not true.