Right now, I'm beginning to question my plans and decisions for the future. I sat down and budgeted, and if I'm being truely honest and responsible, I should just keep my job and stay home. I should take the safe path. I don't have the funds to make it through the next year. In many ways that's really scaring me. I'm the kind of person that needs to have everything planned out, to know in detail how things will be accomplished. And now, if I go through with this, I will be walking in faith that God will provide. Which is a lesson I need to learn again and again. But it makes me question if He really approves of this crazy travel scheme. Is it just me going off on a hope and a prayer, believing if I want to than He must want me to as well. Is the fact that I've been able to rise above every roadblock in my path a sign that I should continue on, or am I ignoring the signs God's using to try and make me turn back?
Actually, deep down, I know I'm going. All thanks to a dream I can't totally describe and make it make sense to someone else. But I do believe that sometimes God still speaks through dreams. I just like to forget the fact that that dream included the fact that it's going to be a lot of hard work to make this happen, and that it's going to feel like we're behind even when things are going well. I'm just being a typical human and wishing for a yellow brick road to follow.
Perhaps I'm too busy trying to work things out ahead of time, pushing against an immovable object that I could simply walk around when the time comes. God sees the big picture, and I suppose it's about time I just start trusting and leave the worry to Him.