Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Introspective

Sorry guys, I normally keep this to travel/what we're up to stories... but I'm feeling this incredible urge to write out my thoughts these days, and as it's after midnight... (my typical time to get really honest and introspective), you're about to get the brunt of it!

I'm listening to itunes on random, and the song that just came on is "No one loves me like you" by Jars of Clay. And that got me thinking. I've been doing a little spiral of self-pity these days, feeling like some friends just don't like me that much. But really, in the grand scheme of things, no one will ever love me the way God does. What an amazing God we have, He's the only one that will never leave us, never give up on us, and loves us no matter what! He CHOSE us..."For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you," (1 Thessalonians 1:4) I have someone that I can always turn to, someone who knows me far better and more intimately than anyone here, that knows me right down to my most secret faults... another song that just came on: "Undo" by Rush of Fools. The chorus;
"Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become"

The chorus is just such a reminder to me of how I need to turn to the One who is bigger than me, that I can't rely on myself, or on anyone else but my God. As it says in Hebrews 4:16..."Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." I can come to God with confidence. Oh, how very often I lack confidence in so many things. I do well by putting up a front, making myself look intelligent. I can spout of random facts, ponder things a little and make a considered response, make myself sound confident in my understanding of things. But more and more, I'm learning that people will respect me if I have a bit less confidence and a lot more humility. It's okay not to know things. Ooooo, I think I'm rambling a bit here. Where was I? Ah, yes, approaching the throne with confidence. Silly as it sounds, it often takes a lot to get me to turn back around in my time of need and lay it ALL down again before my God. Lay down all the sad little bits of my life I've been clinging to, thinking I can fix them just fine on my own, or that the people around me are the ones that need to change. And then I realize, it's me. It's me that needs to step up and get all of this off of my chest, to lay it down in front of my God and let Him be in charge of it again.
And so again, today, I'm returning to that place I've been so many times before, recognizing the love that's all around me, and remembering that I can't hold on to anything but God. He will sort out the rest. Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." It doesn't say he takes everything from us, just that He will help us to rest. And so I will do my best to rest, with a load that is not my own, but one that God is helping me with, day by day.

1 comment:

Michael & Esther said...

thanks Heather...I hope you know that I am one of the friends who likes you very much (even when I seem wrapped up in my own world).