Today during our worship time at the community meeting we sang a song by Chris Tomlin called "I will follow." And as we sang 'When you go I'll go, when you stay I'll stay, when you move I'll move, I will follow...' I started to think about what I was singing, and how we are called follow the call of our
God. I was thinking how many of the people I was standing and singing with have done just that. Have stepped up to follow the call of God in their lives. I was surrounded by people willing to leave lives and families to go where they're called for whatever amount of time that may be.
As the song continued, 'Who you love I'll love, how you serve I'll serve, If this life I loose I will follow you.' I thought about my own commitment. I thought about recent conversations with friends where we talked about the future and how I planned to be living back in Manitoba next year. And it really hit me that there are no guarantees. Not if I truly meant what I was singing. Not if I am going to follow God's call no matter where he goes, serve as He wants me to. I don't know.
My mind rebels against that. I want the control, I want to determine where I go. I'm a control freak like that. I'm content right now, knowing I'm where I'm supposed to be, and much as I think I could continue here indefinitely, the thought of leaving behind those I love at home scares me. I love them too much to make this a long term decision. And yet... even as all those thoughts ran through my head, so too the verses from Matthew 10:37-39 - He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.
I know there's no promise that the christian life is easy. I know He doesn't call us all to leave our families, and maybe he's not calling me to leave mine... but He is asking me to be ready to follow his call wherever that is. Here, Manitoba, Iqaluit, or somewhere else. It really doesn't matter, so long as I'm willing to go.
Scary? A little.
Reassuring? That too.
Why? Because there's a trade off there.
He may want me to give him my life, give away the control, but he wants to give it back to me. He wants to give me something better than I could plan. The beginning of the song goes: 'all your ways are good, all your ways are sure, I will trust in you alone. Higher than my side, high above my life, I will trust in you alone.' And it's true, this God who asks me to follow, his ways are good and true, his thoughts are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9-For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts. ), and he really does want the best for me. He knows it better than I do.
Sure, I have a list of wants, preferences, but I know they're not needs. He knows my needs, and he will honor my commitment. I'm learning little by little to let go... and let God.