I am breaking silently
Into just a fraction of the person that I am,
That I was
That I expect myself to be.
Or perhaps the truth is
That I have always been broken
But today I am shattered.
I cannot say another goodbye.
I cannot sit here and pretend it is all okay
Pretend that I am whole and untouched by this season of departure.
For just a moment, or a day, or maybe even a lifetime
I need to pause this life
And hold on to what is in front of me
Because I'm just not ready
To carve new holes in my heart
While the old ones are still bleeding.
We are packing up for sail, and in the process there are hundreds of people leaving, many never to return. It is a season on the ship that we weather every year, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Hopefully I'll have some patient stories written up for you soon, but this was a glimpse into where I am at today.