I’ve been fighting it for weeks, maybe months now. This thought, belief, knowledge that maybe, just maybe I’m called to this place, this ship for longer than I originally planned. The plan was to do this for one year and then move on, settle down. But how do you settle down when your heart yearns to be in the center of God’s will, wherever that takes you? How do you transition to “normal life” from a life so far different from normal that it forms it’s own normal, it’s own culture.
I don’t want to continue with Mercy Ships just to avoid returning to a normal life. That is a part of the many things I’m currently contemplating, thinking through, praying over. But in the midst of all this thinking, I feel that God is nudging me closer and closer to a decision point. I’ve had a few offers of financial support (unsolicited). I’ve been asked by the writer from the local newspaper for new articles/interviews. And finally... I had a dream that appears to be pointing me towards this new life on the coast of Africa. Yup, cheesy as that sounds, the dream is kind of the clincher.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m like the prophet who kept leaving the fleece out overnight, looking for yet another confirmation. I’m just not ready to say that yes, this is where I’m going to be for longer. I still have questions. Like should I make this long term (2 years +) or should I just come back for a few months next year? How long do I go home for in the summer? Will I get to go home for the summer if I become long term? Does that mean I’ll get to go home for Christmas? Where will I find enough support to continue on here?
That is the big question. Support, money. I can’t continue here without it. I was thinking and praying about it recently, and I came to a conclusion I can live with. My previous plan was that March was a good decision time for whether I would stay on longer or not. Go through a full transition of country and friends, see how I handle it, decide then. At this point, I’m fairly certain that there won’t be a problem. So I’m going to adjust the March goal. Instead, I think it’s time to start looking at support. If I can’t find a way to raise enough support for an extra year by the end of March, then I’m not meant to continue as long term and I won’t switch my status to long term. Simple.
Making that decision scares me a little. It scares me that I won’t be able to raise the money in time. That I won’t get to stay here. But it’s time to trust. To trust that if this is where God wants me, He will provide. Somehow.