O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee,
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.
I love the old hymns. They speak to me. They weave patterns through my brain and flow from one to the next in times of worship with hardly a thought. And sometimes they repeat over and over in my head, encouraging me to more and better faith. God's love is one that will NOT let me go, that grips me and holds me and grows me all at once.
And it seems like even when I let myself fall into bad patterns, I am found and touched and moved to a truer, better path. When I start to think it's all my problem, I am reminded that it's not mine to worry, it's not all about me. Reminded of the importance of faith. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 Being sure of what we hope for.
What am I hoping for? I'm hoping to continue on here. For I don't know how long. For however long God wants me here. Because for now, I have every assurance that this is where He wants me. Where I'm supposed to be. My only question is support.
I mentioned this to one of the mentors/leaders that I've worked with. His response? "If you know this is God's plan for you, why are you worrying? Why don't you believe He's going to provide?" Hmm. Gooood question. If I know with a certainty that this is where I'm supposed to be, what in the world am I questioning? If this is His plan for me, it will happen. He also mentioned "You can't be a beggar" which was meant as the fact that I can't sit back and wait for things to happen. It's time to step up and make it happen.
It's time to have faith. I felt like looking up a few verses on faith:
"Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith will it be done to you”;" Matthew 9:29
"And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith." Matthew 13:58
" I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” " Matthew 17:20
"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12
"that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith." Romans 1:12
"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ." Romans 10:17
One final question thrown at me today from the same guy who asked me why I was worrying: "So, has He told you how many millions he's going to give you?" Not yet.
O this love that will not let me go... Incomprehensible. It surrounds me. This God that wants the very best for me, he will provide. I choose to believe that.