I always knew that my emotions would be fairly... shall we say extreme?... as the day of departure approached. But now, less than three days away, I'm in the midst of an emotional roller coaster like I have never felt before. My thoughts dip into a despair that clutches at my heart and makes me want to find a quiet corner to cry in and mourn all I am leaving behind. As you can see by the poem I wrote this evening:
Why must I cry? A sad song fills my heart
Many are my tears, To know that we must part
Trembling I sigh, Holding in the tears
Praying now for strength, I try to hide my fears
I’m flying far away, I don’t know what I’ll face
As the time draws near, my heart begins to race
I want to stay at home, I want to stay right here
With everyone I love, and all that I hold dear
Refusing now to cry, my eyes begin to burn
I hold it all inside, and now my stomach churns.
Letting go, I crumple down.
Awash in tears, I drown.
And then, just as abruptly, a simple phonecall from a beloved friend, and I'm laughing and dreaming of the trip. Excited to think of foreign lands and customs, plane rides and crazy cab drivers. I can't wait to explore the world, and to sing praises in a far distant land with kindred souls I have yet to meet.
I get excited to pack, walk into my room, look around, and walk out with no intention of packing, how could I leave all this? I check my to do list and go to get my prescriptions filled, walk past the immodium, and start filling my arms with all the "necessities" of travel (yes, I assure you, immodium is a necessity for a trip to India. Ya, okay, maybe 3 tubes of toothpaste was overdoing it, but there was a SALE!), getting more excited with each item I pick up as I think how different our destination is from our departure point.
So many emotions streaming through me, I'm sure my adrenaline levels are sky-high. And yet I have no trouble sleeping. Thank you God for sleep, for friends, for the ability to feel emotions, for the endless opportunites You've given me. God is good.